2 posts in a row...

This one's abt serious stuff... well..

quoting from a friend's post:
"Is love/relationship(s) a game? My answer was (and still is) a clear no; and the natural progression to that is.

Apparently, by playing the game, it supposedly enhances one’s chances of getting into a relationship. To me though (and also to Y Y), this relationship is not one built on a stable ground. By playing the game, the suitor is tailoring his/her image to suit the perceived “wants” of the courted, and if the suitor guesses these “wants” correctly, he/she gets the partner he/she desires. The suitor does not reveal his true self to the courted, and this goes on until they spend enough time together (or even get married) to find out about each other’s true selves.

Talking about true selves, let me digress a little and explain a little more by what I mean “true self”. The true self refers to the character and personality traits formed between birth through the formative years, up till Primary 6 (or 12 years of age). The traits formed during this period are almost unshakeable, and while most, if not all, traits seem to disappear as they grow older (and the surroundings change), they actually don’t. What happens is, each time they meet with a setback, or encounter something different that they are unable to reconcile with their “true self”, they board it up with a wall, either to prevent more hurt, or to blend in with the surroundings. Over the years, these walls grow and grow and grow, and they suddenly seem so different from their younger days. Which is not true, since strictly speaking, their outward appearance now is a mask.

Getting to know the “true self” of another is not very easy, especially if the walls are thick and many. Of course, if one catches the other in a vulnerable state, one might get lucky and actually get a glimpse of the “true self’ without much time and effort. On the other hand, most are not that lucky, and really, time and effort needs to be invested.

This is the reason why I do not believe in playing the game. Call me silly, old-fashioned, or idealistic, but this is something I really believe in: that the first step in getting into a relationship (or chasing your earmarked partner) is through being friends. Get to know the other person well; hang out with him/her, invest genuine and honest time in developing the friendship.

To me the ideal progression would be: Acquaintance -> Friends -> Good Friends -> Boy/Girl-friend. If the relationship eventually evolves to the last stage, I believe it is one built on a very strong and stable foundation, since both most likely have seen the “true self” of the other, and must have liked and be able to accept what they each saw in the other.

I fully understand the risks that meanwhile, the partner might get attached by those playing the game, or that it will stop at the “Good Friend” stage. I know that all too well, having personally gone through that before. Success rates are not guaranteed too, but if one is really looking for a long-term, stable relationship with a low potential of having an acrimonious break-up, then this is the route to take.

It’s one I’ve chosen. I’m a nice guy to everyone, regardless of gender; but sometimes, I go the extra mile for that special someone. Unfortunately, it’s never noticed, and such deeds are normally swept under the “Good/Very Good friend”category, which I, while slightly disappointed, wouldn’t lose too much sleep over; and if not, even taken for granted."

I would agree on some of the stuff... It makes some logical sense in that by playing the game, it's like a shortcut gamble... if ur lucky u'll find that your inner selves click... or else prepare to get ur heart broken... i agree if the foundation is nt stable the relationship is bound to fail...

but i've also seen cases where people hit off within a month and stay together forever... call it love at first sight or whatever u like... these things do happen... and the mentality of the world now is, yes i am willing to take this gamble, consequences later on... probably the reason why u say is true... i'm not saying i approve of playing the game... i'm saying there are many others who approve of playing the game... thus ppl like us who do not wish to play the game are left with a small pool of ppl of the other sex who do not wish to play the game to select from... and tat sux totally i tell u

and yes i so agree that sometimes when we do nice things for our so called "special one" and they get ignored or thrown into the bin called "good friends"... why is this so? probable reason is they dun view u as their "special one"... simple as that... becuz someone else is also doing nice things for him/her and the other person is higher up on the ladder...

which brings us to the ladder theory... how guys and girls rank the opposite sex on a ladder... although some of the parts sound like a sore loser who juz got ditched by their other half, some parts of the theory lay true in the modern world... it's the case of if i can get smth better in my opinion, why not... which is why players stand out more prominently that non players... all becuz they portray what the other party wants while you may only portray certain characteristics that they like, but not all of it...

so should we play the game or not to play the game... my stand is yes and no... in certain ways some things needs to be portrayed to get the other person's attention, or even just to move up the ladder, and by doing so it's hard not to alter some of our comfort circles... but if the transformation is too vast until u become a totally different person from you, i say dun waste your time on the person... it wun last... in conclusion? i think it's best u be a player to as small an extent as possible to get the other person... but never more than 50%... given modern world circumstances...