Bored at home

everytime i'm at home and have nothing to do... i start thinking about things... and often in a bad way... probably why i'm stuck to the comp most of e time at home... keep myself occupied so that i wun think of such stuff

but today... the thinking kinda overshadowed the gaming... prolly becuz of what has conspired over the past few months... or rather transpired... which ever one we're not particular over english here aren't we...

i start thinking about whether NUS biz was my right choice... as in certain stuff that happened in front of me, whether intentionally or unintentionally, is making me wonder, is this really the kind of company that i want? that i can fit in? that i truely wanna be...

and i start to think... what would happen if i had went to SMU or NTU instead... what if i decided nt to go uni and went into the working society... would i have met such ppl... would i have met some great friends that i have made the last few months...

and i wonder... if i had gone elsewhere... with a different setting, would i have been disappointed, depressed, mixed feelings, troubled feelings, etc etc that i have been having the last few days... it's making me crumble... it makes me feel being unable to see what's ahead of me and arnd me in my life... and yes it conjures suicidal thoughts... but to those concerned who read the previous line... no i've long convinced myself many yrs ago that i wld nvr commit suicide... no matter how hard life is, i'll let it end naturally... so if god wans me to go up there, he has to get a bus to knock me over... and thoroughly...

maybe it's juz becuz i think too much... or maybe i'm just a guy... who easily fall for girls who are close to him... or are nice to him... whatever it is... i dun reallie care... all i know is i'm troubled... and tat's all

rant post... as usual... my blog is my avenue to destress