070706: too much time

Too much time on hand makes me think abt lots of things... like whether i wld be who i am if i made another decision 8 yrs ago... wld i be who i am if i dint go to RI... the same person who's weary of others while being tolerant of others at the same time... e same guy who wld put up a smile even when everything arnd is not going rite... one who cld sweep away his troubles by keeping his mind on gaming... i dint grow up to be a man in the army... i alr did thru e yrs b4 i came here... not sure i've seen all the shit of life but i'm sure i've seen most of it... i mean from the wide range of ppl, both bastard and nice, and how things can screw up over the weirdest of reasons... i reallie can't think of any worse scenarios... i may not show it but i'm alwayz constantly thinking of possible good/bad scenarios coming up at the slightest of events... and i dun like to express myself not becuz i am shy... it's becuz i know most of the time things i spurt out w/o thinking really hurts others... someone once told me in pvt tat i reallie need to hold back on some things tat i say and reallie put my brain to it... but it's been reallie tiring... do we have to alwayz do a mindmap to plan out every sentence to e extent of every word we say?? wldn't a simple conversation take hours to complete instead of minutes... but i reallie feel i have to do tat... or else at the rate tat i offend everyone i'll go back to who i was 8 yrs ago... so wad's my choice of plan? tok less... ignorance is bliss... perfect line to express it all... loneliness is not an easy foe to beat... not as a human... no it's even scientically proven from our origins.. tat's y i seek approval... even in e slightest bit it's greatly appreciated...